Beauty pageant children to be freed

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The police began the task of liberating young beauty pageant contestants from the clutches of their own parents with a series of dawn raids this morning. 

Across the country, teams of police-assisted psychologists have been confiscating infants and fresh-faced children from largely confused and deluded parents. The children will have their spray tans removed, and have their sexualisation reset to appropriate. The parents will attend re-training before being reunited with their offspring. Four-year-old Ellie-May Thape spoke briefly at her emancipation.

‘I have enjoyed having the hairstyle of a 35 year-old,’ said Ellie-May Thape.

‘But I’ll miss the talent bit. My mum said that God gave me these hips to shake, and I’ll sure miss shakin’ them.’ Ellie-May Thape added.