Boris Johnson to definitely die today


Plans for the upcoming General Election could be affected by today’s death of Conservative Party Leader, Boris Johnson.

Johnson, assuming he’s good for his word, will lie down in a ditch and die after failing to deliver Brexit by today’s date.

Local Brexiteer, Peter Thape has generously checked out the price of shovels at Screwfix, and their leading rival Toolstation.

‘Never mind the Election, get diggin’ fatty,’ said Thape.

‘I’ll hold your coat,’ he added.