New hero of the nation and sex-bomb, Boris Johnson is to capitalise on his popularity by releasing an aftershave in time for the Christmas season.
Johnson, who was largely seen as a bumbling, manipulative, self-interested twat a few weeks ago, is now ace, and is subsequently hoping to cash in.
Johnson will be producing a range of toiletries, plus a calendar for the New Year in which he appears naked, with his breasts and undercarriage subtly hidden.
‘I am amazing, now,’ said Boris.
‘I thought you all thought I was a cock, but in fact, I’m amazing,’ added Boris.