Boris leaves his girlfriend and unborn child


Following a lengthy engagement period, Boris Johnson has decided to leave his girlfriend, Carrie Symonds.

Johnson admitted that he had felt ‘claustrophobic’ since the announcement of his engagement to Symonds on February 29th of this year.

Symonds will move into the specially built facility for Johnson’s ex-partners and his children, which has a school, a medical centre and a small retail park.

‘I’m afraid it simply didn’t work out,’ said Prime Minister Johnson.

‘Hey-ho, onto the next one,’ he added.