Failed Brussels Bomber slung out of Terrorist Union

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The man who set himself on fire, instead of blowing up the train station in Brussels yesterday, has been thrown out of the International Guild of Terrorists (IGT).

The bomber was shot dead by armed police, and having failed in his rudimentary task, now faces the prospect of missing out on the 72 virgins deal that he’d signed up for.

IGT President, Peter Al Shebab-Thape is disappointed with the Brussels bomber, and has refused to renew the bomber’s annual membership of the guild.

‘Not setting yourself on fire is day one of training,’ said Al Shebab-Thape.

‘I think he bought his kit in China. It’s all cheap parts,’ added Al Shebab-Thape.