Cheryl to go out with a 14 year old now

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Heavily tattooed garden rake, Cheryl Cole-Tweedy-Whatever has finished dating men in their twenties, and has moved down another decade.

Cheryl has moved in with 1980’s Musical Youth frontman, Michael Grant, who is still surprisingly only 14 years old.

The new couple are also delighted to announce that they are expecting a baby in the autumn, who will be called Bear Grylls.

‘This generation rules the nation,’ said the Musical Youth singer.

‘Bombiddleybiddleybom,’ he added.