Cliff Richard is now officially not a kiddie fiddler, and anyone who claims otherwise is completely wrong, and subject to prosecution.
Anyone who suggests he might be, or infers that there’s something not quite right about him will face the might of his legal team.
Cliff also confirmed that he is no longer going out with Sue Barker, who despite being the leather bound presenter of A Question of Sport, actually spent a few minutes in her youth as quite fit.
‘There’s no way that Cliff’s got some weird thing going on,’ said local man-in-the-street, Peter Thape.
‘And his £4 million official court action has helped me believe that,’ added Thape.