Country now running out of Russians


It is thought that Russians may need to be reintroduced to the environment after a recent count described the total as ‘dangerously low.’

The latest cull of Russians, through 70’s novel style murder, and political expulsions has left the Russian community on the edge of extinction.

With only enough Russians to last until the end of April, Anthropologist Peter Thape, is encouraging the public to bring Russians in to his drop-in centre in Belgravia.

‘Pop them in a little box, with some soft bedding in,’ said Thape.

‘Make sure you put some holes in the sides of your box, and they’re normally ok with a lettuce leaf, or a little spoonful of beluga,’ added Thape.