Every child now in a gang


The police have admitted that every single child in the country is now in a gang, with many joining by the age of one.

Recruitment can often begin at local Mums and Tums classes where massage and breathing exercises can be interrupted by foetuses encouraging other pre-birthers to join up.

Police Chief, Peter Thape will visit all nurseries this week in an attempt to discourage the common practice of toddlers concealing a shank in their pull-ups.

‘We need to open up more boxing gyms,’ said Thape.

‘Teaching fucked-up children to be violent is the answer,’ added Thape.