‘Everyone to get a free pilchard after Brexit,’ promises Boris


Those people who wondered what benefits Brexit may bring were put in their place last night, as new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson promised each of us a free pilchard.    

As his speech progressed, Johnson held a symbolic kipper above his head, before pledging a pilchard, or fish of similar size, to every UK citizen.

But local Brexiteer, Peter Thape seemed disappointed, after secretly hoping that Johnson might give us all a goldfish on October 31st.  

‘We won the vote – we should win a goldfish,’ said Thape.

‘We’re not going to win anything, are we?’ wondered Thape.