‘F*ck it, let’s put Glastonbury back on,’ says Government

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The government has decided on a new virus control policy of…fuck it, let’s just see how it goes.

Although the nation appeared to be in the midst of a world pandemic only a few days ago, the government has decided just to open everything, and leave the rest to Darwinian Theory.

Local man who thought there was a virus, Peter Thape is still spraying his shopping with disinfectant, and not going into other people’s houses.

‘Well, looks like that whole Coronavirus thing has finished then,’ said Thape.

‘Looks like it’s every man for himself,’ he added.