Philip Green has admitted that he has slightly too much money, and that’s why he’s been giving chunks of it to employees, who may have also been coincidentally felt up, or racially abused.
Green believes that he should be commended for his altruistic lifestyle, handing out money to those with less than himself, and a good rack.
Green hopes to continue his generosity, giving away all his fortune eventually, to anyone prepared to sign a non-disclosure agreement.
‘Now, let’s have a little chat about chest puppies,’ said Green.
‘There’s a £50 note in my trouser pocket, if you’d like to reach in and get it,’ added Green.