‘I’m not leaving; there’s no jobs out there,’ says May

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Theresa May has told colleagues that she’ll be staying on as Prime Minister until the Twelfth of Never.

May has insisted that she’ll get a fifth, or possibly a sixth version of her Brexit bill through before she resigns.

May told Cutting News that she’d be mad to leave her job in this climate, with Brexit round the corner.

‘What the fuck am I going to do at 62?’ asked May.

‘I’m not doing any volunteering, fuck that,’ added The Prime Minister.