‘It’ll all be over by Easter,’ says Flat Earther

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A mental case, who escaped from a secure unit and became President of America, forced his way in front of the television cameras again this morning.

Donald Trump, who is also Life President of The Flat Earth Society, fought his way past security guards and wrestled his way to the lectern without realising it was a grown-ups press conference.

Trump spoke briefly, uttering his night-bus drunk’s understanding of the world, before being taken down and secured.

‘This is a virus spread by Giraffes,’ stated Trump.

‘China, China, China,’ he added, in a funny voice.