Man considering building an Ark

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With rain now expected forever, local man, Peter Thape is seriously thinking about building an Ark.

With a family, two dogs, and a hamster, Thape knows that a decent Ark will tick all the boxes in a new watery Britain.

With eBay reportedly low on Arks, Thape has set off to Travis Perkins this morning to get things underway.

‘You won’t be laughing if this rain continues,’ said Thape.

‘You’ll all be like…let me on let me on…well you can all fuck off,’ added Thape.