MP had a w*nk, and in other news…NASA successfully reprogram Voyager One, 13 billion miles away


NASA’s news that they have managed to send a message 13 billion miles to help keep Voyager One working is struggling to compete with whether or not Damian Green has thrown one over his thumb.  

BBC News Editor, Peter Thape has been told about NASA remotely restarting the forty year old thrusters on Voyager One, which will allow the 1977 launched spacecraft to keep taking pictures of the Universe.

Thape has had to decide whether Damian Green’s news is as captivating as the 19 hours 35 minutes that NASA waited to see if their new instructions had effectively travelled the 13 billion miles across space.

‘What was the wanking story again?’ asked Thape.

‘Let’s lead with the jizz story, and we’ll throw in the space stuff in the…and finally,’ decided Thape.