Nation mourns as bastard heating goes on


The country finds itself in utter despair, having had to put the heating on in August.

Even local dad, Peter Thape has failed to trot out his usual shit joke…you can always put another jumper on.

Thape put the heating on today with only minimal nagging from the rest of the family, approximately two months ahead of his planned switch on.

‘This could be one of the lowest moments of my life,’ said Thape.

‘And after the summer we’ve had…after the summer we’ve had,’ said Thape, repeatedly shaking his head.