Northerners to become Southern fairies after voting Tory

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Many northerners fear becoming soft southern fairies after showing virginal love for the Conservative way.

Local Redcar man, Peter Thape defied 50 generations of Labour voting to put his cross against the name of a Tory.

Thape is already talking about having less gravy on his chips, and felt the need to put on a coat in this afternoon’s driving rain.  

‘I used a monocle today to read the cooking instructions on me Supanoodles,’ said Thape.

‘I can feel an overpowering urge to pay £8.50 for a sandwich at lunchtime,’ he added.