Novichok poisoners to visit Wookey Hole next

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Apparently, Wookey Hole Caves, and not Disneyland, dominate most of the aspirational chit chat in Moscow’s dreary high-rise slums.

Most Russians admit to having Salisbury Cathedral, Wookey Hole, and The Wainwright Walks on their list of things to do when they visit England.

More or less every Russian has illegal downloaded footage of the historical Byzantine Vespers service that graces Salisbury Cathedral on high holidays.

‘When I was a little boy I always dreamed of going to Salisbury,’ said one of the Russian poisoners.

‘To poison someone, though; the Cathedral’s shit,’ added the poisoner.