‘Oh no! Monarch’s collapse is terrible news,’ say Ryanair

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Load of shit airline Ryanair, who can’t be arsed flying their own passengers anywhere, have offered to pick up the workload of collapsed rival airline, Monarch.

Ryanair CEO, Michael O’Leary has spent most of the night weeping, as he pictured the holidaymakers stranded and distressed by Monarch’s collapse.

O‘Leary has kindly offered to fly home the holidaymakers for a low low price, which will include a fully carpeted aircraft, sick bag, and a window or aisle view.

‘I knew we’d end up getting the pilots we need,’ said O’Leary.

‘They’ll be more desperate than us. Start them off at 10p below the minimum wage,’ ordered O’Leary.