Old people to be killed off to fund the young

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The government is considering killing off the old in order to find ways of generating £10,000 for 25 year olds to gain a hold on the property ladder.

Most people in their 50’s and late forties will be culled, plus those in their thirties who are showing signs of ageing, such as bad teeth or posture.

The government intends to target those older people who are having too many holidays, or are enjoying comfortable trousers.

‘I’d be happy to die, to help a 25 year old get a deposit on a house,’ said 50 year old Peter Thape.

‘Us old people have all had piss easy lives, not like the really difficult lives of young people today,’ added old, Thape.