‘One shitty gift each? It’s Christmas AND my birthday!’


Jesus is still angry about only getting one gift from each person who came to his birthday party, to cover both his birthday, and Christmas day.

‘I’m not being funny,’ said Jesus, ‘But what a complete fuckin’ let down.’

Jesus told Cutting News that he was so angered by the birthday bollocks that he started a whole new religion based on the giving of substantial gifts, and snogging with that drunk woman from Accounts.

‘What is Frankincense? And Myrrh?’ asked Jesus.

‘I needed disposable nappies, and a bottle steriliser – I’d just been born, you dicks,’ added The Lord.