Oxford University students planning more crimes, now that they can’t be imprisoned


Students at Oxford University have been rejoicing in the news that they can’t be imprisoned after fellow student, Lavinia Woodward avoided jail for intentionally stabbing her boyfriend.

Stabbing people is not normally allowed, and most people don’t do it after being told off as a small child, but Oxford Students have now been excluded from this inconvenient rule.

Oxford Student Union boss, Peter Double-Barrel Thape can often get frustrated with his own girlfriend, and now feels more encouraged to give her an occasional stab, or maybe just a casual slashing, if he’s not too angry.

‘I’m looking forward to taking the new Physical Crime module next semester,’ said Double-Barrel Thape.

‘Normally, we only concentrate on insurance fraud, banking, and manipulating interest rates here,’ added Double-Barrel Thape.