People with woodburners down to the furniture

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Anyone using a woodburner to help get through the extended winter is starting to get dangerously excited by the kitchen table.

The kitchen table, and other unprotected pieces of furniture, are looking particularly vulnerable as the winter promises to continue until 2029.

Local fire owner, Peter Thape knows that his wood store is down to zero, and he’s been seen suspiciously circling household items that are not moving around quick enough.

‘Why do we have six chairs; there’s only four of us,’ said Thape

‘We certainly don’t need that fence. I was going to put a new one up, anyway,’ added Thape.