Petrol to be £10 a litre by July

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Petrol will be £10 per litre by July, and about £700 a litre by Christmas.

Diesel, which is slightly more expensive to produce, will be a million pound per pipette full by mid-August.

Peter Thape is Head of Oil, and he’s loving rinsing every bastard at the pumps.

‘We’ve not got long left with petrol. Let’s just get what we can,’ said Thape.

‘Your government could have had electric cars for 50 years if they could work out how to tax you on it,’ added Thape.