Prince Philip’s retirement thwarted as government raises pension age to 98

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Phil Mountbatten (96), who lives near Hyde Park in London, is just one of the people that the government has told to ‘go back to work’ after raising the age at which people qualify for the state pension to 98.

Phil, who thought he’d put in his last shift yesterday, has been told to attend Jobcentre Plus at 9.40 this morning.

Phil has been told that if he is not actively seeking work or fails to attend today’s meeting, any benefits paid will be subject to a possible 13 week delay.

‘This news is just total wank,’ said The Prince.

‘I’ve been looking forward to the retirement quiz marathon afternoons of 15 to 1, Deal or No Deal, Tipping Point, and The Chase to finish. Bastards,’ added His Royal Highness.