Queen looking forward to wearing a paper crown

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The Queen will be wearing the traditional shitty paper crown from a Christmas cracker for today’s Christmas Dinner.

Buckingham Palace have also confirmed that The Queen will be prepared to swap her paper crown for a different coloured one with a person sitting nearby, if they really want to.

She has also admitted that she is hoping to win a small set of screwdrivers from a cracker, or failing that a very small magic trick that comes complete with instructions.

‘Wearing the big jewelled crown completely fucks up my neck,’ said Elizabeth II.

‘I’ll occasionally put it on for Philip when we do tug tug,’ added Her Royal Highness.