Theresa May has solved the problem of a borderless Ireland by emailing all the world’s migrants and refugees, and asking them really nicely not to come into the UK through Northern Ireland.
Last night, the last of the refugees got back in touch to confirm that they will definitely not be walking into Northern Ireland, allowing EU negotiations to move on to the next phase.
Refugee, Peter Al-Shebab-Thape was pleased to receive the email from the Prime Minister, and following her advice has chosen to remain living in his shelled-out apartment block, whilst he and his family are being shot at.
‘I definitely won’t be getting a Ryanair flight into Ireland for £23.99 and walking across the border into Northern Ireland,’ said Al Shebab-Thape.
‘War zones are the life for me! Children come, and children go – we don’t need them all,’ added Al Shebab-Thape.