SAT’s for new born babies

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New born babies will face basic arithmetic and literature testing under a new government scheme to introduce SAT’s at an earlier age.

Midwife, Murial Hislop has already been trained to carry out the testing on babies as they emerge from the mother.

Along with the usual ‘hearing’ and ‘awareness’ checks, Hislop will ask some rudimentary trigonometry questions, and some extremely low level testing in a foreign language.

‘New mums and dads needn’t worry, the assessments really won’t mean very much at all,’ offered Hislop.

‘But reading to your child during childbirth certainly won’t harm their chances of getting into a higher set,’ Hislop added.