Sleep on long haul flights to be clawed back

woman asleep on a planewoman asleep on a plane

Those people who noticeably sleep on-board aeroplanes are to have the sleep taken back off them on their return home.

Following complaints from all normal people, who sit wide-eyed through the tedium of the journey, those who sleep will face sanctions on their return. Airlines are largely supporting the initiative by promising to prevent sleep by clipping you with an aisle trolley, asking you if you’d like peanuts if your eyes start to shut, or by suddenly dropping the plane 2000 ft for a laugh.

‘I once saw this guy who was more or less asleep when he handed over his boarding pass. He got 7 straight hours – I hope he gets cancer,’ said frequent flyer, Peter Thape.

‘This woman fell asleep for three hours right next to me, started leaning into me, dribbling and everything. I pinched her arm till it bled…that woke her up.’ Thape added.