Social distancing can f*ck itself when we’re clapping

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Social distancing is a bit of made up thingee anyway, so the nation has decided to fuck it off during the week’s essential clapping.

Everyone loves a party, so let’s all get together every Thursday night, like it’s New Year’s Eve, and clap like seals.

Local hand owner, Peter Thape can clap brilliantly, and he knows that you can’t really spread the virus between 8 and five past on a Thursday night.

‘The clapping will be my favourite memory of the virus,’ said Thape.

‘That’s why we should continue it, so the lockdown lasts for two years,’ he added.