‘Sorry, I meant to rape everyone, not throw acid in their faces,’ says misunderstood Arthur Collins


The boyfriend of loosely famous, Ferne McCann has been found guilty of providing the shittest excuse ever in a court of law.

Collins is bewildered that the court failed to recognise his watertight excuse that he sprayed a crowd of people with a date rape drug and not acid.

Collins is planning an appeal, having now remembered that he thought he was spraying the nightclub crowd with party bubbles.

‘Actually, the crowd in the club looked really warm, so I thought that I would spray them with water,’ offered bubble thrower, Collins.

‘How about fake tan? They all looked slightly washed out, so I wanted to help them look better – any takers?’ asked Collins.