Soviet novichok poisoner named as Ivan Drago

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The real identity of the novichok poisoner has been revealed as Captain Ivan Drago of Rocky IV.

Drago will almost certainly have to fight Apollo Creed before facing trial in the UK for the Salisbury poisonings.

It has also transpired that Drago’s wife, Brigitte Nielsen was nowhere near as fit as we all remembered her.

‘Yes I was,’ said Nielsen.

‘Things were different then. I was striking, as opposed to the way we see beauty nowadays,’ added Nielsen.