Jesus, one of the leading characters in The Bible, has told his followers to stick Midget Gems or possibly Jelly Tots into an orange.
Jesus, who is actually Jewish but does not live in Edgware, has said that he’s really looking forward to Christmas this year.
Jesus is planning to put up a massive tree and a big plastic Santa sleigh across the front of his house, just to fuck off his Jewish neighbours.
‘I love Christmas. You can get totally munted at work, and just shout out It’s Christmas in a big Slade voice, and you’re in the clear,’ said Jesus.
‘And Aldi do all those Christmassy flavours of fake Baileys,’ added Lord Jesus.