Summer to continue through until March

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Britain’s baking hot summer will run all the way through to next March, possibly lasting until next summer.

The country’s never ending sunshine has tempted many retiring Spanish people to settle here, opening a string of bars called…Franco’s, Iniesta’s and The Slug and Paella.

17 year old Spanish girls and boys have been partying in our resorts; many of the boys diving off hotel balconies, whilst the girls are hopelessly attracted to the spotty English waiters.

‘Cricket is set to become a winter sport,’ explained local hot person, Peter Thape.

‘I’ve started putting my shitty toilet paper in a little bin by the khazi, like a proper foreigner,’ added Thape.