Toilet roll only thing taken in robbery

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Police are investigating a spate of house break-ins in which the only items stolen have been toilet rolls.

This morning, a number of families came down to discover the downstairs loo stripped of toilet paper, including the spare roll that was underneath some woollen shit, made by granny.

Local toilet user, Peter Thape had his whole family held at knifepoint, until he handed over a 24 pack of triple-ply cushioned paper.

‘We offered them laptops, phones and cash, but they knew what they’d come for,’ said Thape.

‘The whole community has gathered round today, and donated half a roll,’ he added.