‘Turning all knives into spoons should solve the problem,’ suggests Theresa May


Theresa May has offered a radical, but promising solution to knife crime, by converting all knives into spoons.

Knife production will stop with immediate effect, and all existing knives taken from people’s kitchens by Tuesday week.

A standard dinner table will be laid with a spoon on the right, then a fork, with possibly another smaller spoon for dessert across the top.

‘We’ll make meat a little softer, to take away the need for a knife,’ offered The Prime Minister.

‘Meals with peas will be much easier,’ added Mrs. May.