Uri Geller reassuringly, still a massive cock

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With the nation calling out for a leader, Uri Geller has bravely put himself forward for our amusement.  

Whilst the country languishes in uncertainty, Geller’s never-ending cockness has offered a consistency throughout.

Geller, who is the long-time partner of Monica from Friends, plans to stop Brexit through the use of his spoon-bending mind.

‘After I’ve stopped Brexit, I’m going to reverse Global warming,’ said Geller.

‘Then, I plan to convince 200 vulnerable fools to buy tickets for my next tour,’ added Geller.