‘You can trust us to make the right decision about masks,’ say the public

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The public have reassured politicians that they can be trusted with making the right individual choices about whether or not to wear face masks.

Local member of the public, Peter Thape intends to use his common sense, and endless medical knowledge to gauge when he should and shouldn’t wear a mask.

Thape told Cutting News, through his vomit-stained beard, how little the government knew about his essential needs.

‘They’ve told me to stop smoking, eating cake for breakfast, and to stop beating my wife,’ said Thape.

‘Nanny State, telling me to stop spreading deadly viruses!’ he added.