Country looking forward to an old fashioned day of prostitution

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The nation is excited about bending over for the Royal family of Saudi Arabia today, as we put morality aside in the pursuit of selling giant weapons of death to them.

The day will start with Theresa May clapping her hands as dancing girls flood the banquet hall to a backdrop of bubbling shisha pipes and slowly turning venison.

Then Minister for Defence, Gavin Williamson, will climb onto the lap of the Saudi Prince, before gently tugging on his beard whilst whispering trading promises into his ear.

‘I’m especially looking forward to the bit where I slowly dance on the table for them,’ said Williamson.

‘This may all sound crude, but this is pretty much the job nowadays,’ added Williamson.