‘I am your real father,’ Trump tells Boris

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In an extraordinary plot twist, not seen since Star Wars, Donald Trump has revealed that he is the true father of Boris Johnson.  

As Boris toiled with his womanising, casual racism, and quest for power, the great midget-handed nutcase came to him and revealed himself as his real dad.

Trump pulled off his Stanley Johnson face mask, in the internationally recognised Scooby-Doo style, to reveal that he had been Boris’s dad all along.

‘You know what the Empire expects of you,’ Trump told Boris.

‘It is nearly time now, my son…it is nearly time,’ added Trump, in the voice of James Earl Jones.