‘I probably won’t need to do a big shop this week,’ admits May


Theresa May has admitted that she won’t need to get much in to see her through, before she gets slung out of her job, and house this week.

May, who normally does her weekly shop at Waitrose, was seen last night getting a Beef & Tomato Pot Noodle at Spar.

She also got five chocolate cookies that she pissed through whilst she drove home, slinging the shame-filled empty wrapper in the bin before she walked through the front door.

‘It’s ok, Pot Noodle,’ said May.

‘Honest. Loyal. Never lets you down,’ she added.