Jacob Rees-Mogg to have a new top hat for the campaign


Jacob Rees-Mogg, The Minister for the Nineteenth Century, is to acquire a brand new top hat and tails for the upcoming election campaign.

The top hat will be spun from the sinew of mill children, with his coat harvested from a thousand hamsters.

Rees-Mogg plans to visit all of his constituency by carriage, with a generous schedule of luncheon hustings with the land owners.

‘One shall visit a number of workhouses,’ offered Rees-Mogg.

‘The Empire doesn’t run itself,’ he further quipped.