Pretend Prime Minister, Theresa May has taken on a new driver to ensure that she gets to address the press at disasters before Jeremy Corbyn does.
Corbyn, who has been seen driving around London on a loop, has been arriving at disaster spots first and speaking with the highly revered backdrop of blue flashing lights.
May, who used to be a Prime Minister, is working carefully with her new driver to calculate where the next terrible thing will occur.
‘My thanking of the police and the emergency services is much better than his,’ said May.
‘I’ve got my sincere voice bang on, whereas Jeremy likes to throw a snide political point in about cutting police budgets,’ added May.