Putin wins 101% of the vote

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Vladimir Putin is delighted to have won all of the votes cast in the Russian election, plus some of votes for the next election, too.

Putin, who beat second placed Donald Trump by a landslide, expects to remain in charge for the rest of his life, and for some time after that, as well.

Putin has vowed to concentrate on the incredibly expensive manufacture of nerve agent killer capsules, instead of just shooting people, which is dead easy.

‘We have to get the secret agent nerve gas, along with the microfilm to Blofelt,’ said Putin.

‘If we don’t, then the John le Carre novels won’t be credible,’ added Putin.