Russia admits to poisoning, and loads of other shit too


As expected, prior to the midnight deadline, Russia admitted that they had poisoned the spy, and also fessed up to loads of other stuff that they’ve been doing.

Russia said that it was them who started the war in Syria, ruined the Premier League, and had affected property prices in the South East.

Theresa May, had been expecting the Russians to cave after she had given them a pretty stern warning yesterday.

‘I knew that Putin didn’t fancy a ruck with me; the fanny that he is,’ said May.

‘You got roasted Putin, by a woman that looks she should be on a till in Waitrose,’ added May.