Theresa May to knob her bodyguard


Theresa May is hoping to improve her popularity by cashing in on the new TV phenomenon of having sex with your bodyguard.

May, as a former Home Secretary and current Prime Minister is nicely placed to share adjoining rooms with a handsome, possibly Scottish bodyguard.

May, who is otherwise keen to impress the public, has refused to have a little downstairs fiddle for the cameras, like Keeley Hawes did.

‘I’d be much nicer to my bodyguard than Keeley was; she was a right bitch,’ said May.

‘And I’d re-appear in the final episode, if it helped with my popularity,’ added May.