Tory Party tea lady enters leadership contest


House of Commons tea lady, Murial Hislop has joined the race to become the next Leader of The Conservative Party.

Hislop is just behind Boris Johnson in the polls, but ahead of the other 170 candidates who’ve also thrown their hat into the ring.

Hislop is offering a better biscuit in negotiations with The EU over the Brexit problem, and believes a Tunnock’s Teacake could swing the ‘back stop’ issue.

‘Why don’t you all sit down like grown-ups, and stop trying to fuck each other over for your own self-interest,’ offered Hislop.

‘Now, do you want 2 sugars in that,’ she added.