Trump and Putin to hold hands too

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Donald trump is expected to two-time Theresa May, as he skips around Helsinki holding hands with Vladimir Putin.

It is not known whether the two leaders will kiss properly, but almost certain that there will be some tactile touching, like when when you’re a bit drunk.

Theresa May is said to be distraught, after giving it up to Trump the other day, and is threatening to return the tape that he gave her with all their special songs on.

‘Is it possible to love two leaders at the same time?’ asked an inquisitive Trump.

‘Be patient, Donald. Just keep on with my work in America,’ replied Putin.