Trump starts his bricklaying course this afternoon

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Leading hair stylist and growler grabber, Donald Trump starts his NVQ in Bricklaying today, with a view to building a massive wall near Mexico.

Although the bricklaying induction is at 9 am, Trump cannot attend, but has promised to wear the appropriate safety goggles, Hi-Viz vest and sturdy boots to his prior engagement. Trump considered doing brickwork at Night School, before being made aware that the beginner’s course did not offer full City & Guilds Certification. Peter Thape will be Trump’s teacher at The Washington College of Construction.

‘He’s said he’s going to be late on his first day, which is not a great start,’ began Thape.

‘He’s got a lot of work to do with the trowel. It’s all in the wrist. Have you got a mix on, Kev?’ shouted a distracted Peter Thape.